?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Gleaming White Ice

This is the story that I submitted to the Ad Astra "instant fiction" contest.

When you stare into blackness, do you see a hockey puck, which has filled your gaze until you no longer see the gleaming white ice? Mona had forgotten that there was more to this game than the promise of Joey's scholarship to Moon Base U. She was deaf to the cheers of friends and other parents. She missed every pass and save that didn't involve Joey.

Joey's stick found the puck as he lightninged between enemy players. Mona stood and shouted. She trembled at the rawness of her throat, the anticipation of release with his goal. When a brute shouldered Joey into the glass, he lost the puck. Joey skated after number 38, his stick raised high.

When the ref sent Joey to the penalty box, time slowed down. Joey wouldn't shoot the winning goal. He was stuck on Earth without any chance of advancement.

It was like the time she hit the pot hole on the 400 and broke the axle on her Toyota Electric. She had missed spring break at Algonquin, the call of the loon, and any chance of romance with Peter Tyler. If she hadn't hit that pot hole, she might be a star ship admiral's wife.

Mona swallowed the sob that threatened to bubble out of her throat. She clawed through her purse until her fingers curled around the phaser.

Her entire life focused into a single beam. She vaporized the ref. She tried to catch Joey's gaze before the blackness engulfed her and she collapsed.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
baggyk
Apr. 8th, 2009 04:32 am (UTC)
I have never read Can Lit Sci Fi before.
mmarques
Apr. 9th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
haha.... the 3 items that had to be included (loon, hockey puck, pot hole on the 400) in a speculative fiction flash sort of set the stage. however, this was probably the most "can lit" of my attempts
kara_gnome
Apr. 8th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC)
Really nice! I loved the end :) What a lot in such a short piece, but it was all very clear and perfectly done. Awesome!

I liked how you used all the prompts, myself. I bet it was in contention, I really do.
mmarques
Apr. 9th, 2009 03:15 am (UTC)
glad you liked it. unfortunately, with the hockey puck prompt, they got sick of reading too many hockey game stories, and nothing with a hockey game did well :-( what's funny is that none of my unfinished attempts included a hockey game
monkeyman
Apr. 8th, 2009 12:21 pm (UTC)
Hooray for future hockey!
mmarques
Apr. 9th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
glad you enjoyed :)
takaal
Apr. 8th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
"...and vaporized the ref."

Man, sometimes I wish we could do that at real hockey games...!
mmarques
Apr. 9th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
hee ...gotta take your aggression out in fiction
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Your opinion welcome. Please leave a comment.



Latest Month

December 2017
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Michael Rose